My Open Letter to Ms. Bevy

A few weeks ago I applied to attend one of Ms. Bevy’s Life With Vision dinners, happening Labor Day weekend. The application consisted of answering a few questions which would display why you should be chosen for this event. The exercise although it did not yield me a spot at the table (which was yet another failure to add to the list), but it was very cathartic for me.  In completing the exercise I not only learned that I am still an extreme water bag but I also realized how debilitating paralysis has been in my life.

I have decided to share it with you. Why you may ask? Shit I don’t know truly because this is opening myself up in a BIG way. But ultimately I think I am sharing it because in order to be true to this journey, I have to be willing to be vulnerable and I also have to able to put aside to my concern for what others think.  This will also serve as a public reminder of what I truly desire most in the pursuit of my dreams and ideals of success.

So here goes …

 

Ms. Bevy,

 

Thanks so much for this opportunity to attend the “Life With Vision” event. The timing could not be more perfect at this time in my life because I find myself in transition. At 32 I envisioned that I would be happily married with at least 3 children after having a successful corporate career. I thought that I would have traveled the world and lived a life filled with fun and adventure. I wanted the American Dream including the white picket fence, nice car and big bank account. Quite honestly at the moment I have none of those things and it dampens my spirit. I thought I did everything right, I was a good daughter and student. I got good grades, went to college and even finished with a graduate degree. I have been good to others and always helped when I could. Yet I find myself not living at all the life I envisioned.
At my core I am a woman who wants to be a catalyst for change in my family and my community. I want nothing more than to be an example of love as a wife and a mother.  I want to live my life of substance with integrity and honesty at the core.  I want to be remembered for all of the good I have done not all of the things I have, although I want to have nice things. I want to build generational wealth for myself and my grandchildren so that we can experience a life of freedom that is rich with global cultural experiences.  At my core I am also still a scared little girl who is afraid of not being enough.

 

I am perceived by others as a strong black woman who is knowledgeable and driven. As a result of my serious demeanor and direct communication style I am often perceived as bitch to say it plainly. Unfortunately it’s only after people take the time to know me that they realize how loving and caring I really am. I have been called “Mama T” a lot in my life. This is sometimes received well by people who want mentoring and motherly love. The others however see this as a negative attribute as they perceive me to be controlling, rude and condescending. I find that people either love or hate me, there is not much in between.

 

I would like to be perceived as a strong woman who is confident in her knowledge, skills and ability. I want to be recognized for my strength and professionalism in a good way. I want to be respected for my intellect but also viewed as attractive.  I want other to see that I genuinely love people and I am always willing to help others. 

 

I am interested in attending this event because I would like to be woman of action. I want to transition from a dreamer to a doer. I have had big dreams in life yet many of them have yet to be realized. In my head I think I should be an accomplished millionaire with the talents, skill and knowledge in which God has blessed me. I seem to be my own barrier to success and I would like to finally get out of my own way. I want to live the life I envisioned.

 

Sincerely,

Tia

 

Ms. Bevy thank you for getting me to dig deep with this internal heart to heart.  I hope to one day meet you and chat about how much you have inspired me.

 

 

Opinions (Even Mine) Don’t Matter

So it occurred to me after having a conversation with a new friend that much of my (and others) paralysis comes from the desire to seek approval from others. It’s funny, I never thought of it that way, probably cause I want to be the strong, independent woman who has my shit together. And while . . . → Read More: Opinions (Even Mine) Don’t Matter

Leo List – My August Bucket List

As I indicated in the previous post, I want to be a woman of action this month. I am determined to work daily on my professional development but my personal development is just as important. I am not currently working a traditional job and I want to take this hiatus to enjoy life a little. . . . → Read More: Leo List – My August Bucket List

Can’t I Stay In Bed Instead?!

I woke up this morning not even wanting to get out of the bed. I did though very begrudgingly and took a ride to my favorite “home office,” Panera. I grabbed some breakfast, pulled out the laptop and got to work. Even though initially it was a bit of a mental struggle, once I got . . . → Read More: Can’t I Stay In Bed Instead?!

Friends In The Storm

With the recent sequence of events, I have been very sad and disappointed in my seemingly poor judgment of others. How could this seemingly well educated and knowledgeable person make such a bad decision with her time and her resources? It’s very easy to have a pity party and get on the woe is me . . . → Read More: Friends In The Storm

Yes I Was Burned, But I Call It A Lesson Learned

It’s funny I always seem to return to this blog in times of transition. Maybe if I stayed on the bandwagon, I would never fall off. Nonetheless, here we go again.

 

Well after another misadventure, I am stuck trying to figure out the direction of my life again. I could sit here and dwell . . . → Read More: Yes I Was Burned, But I Call It A Lesson Learned

Inspiration Through Talking to Strangers

In a random series of events I ended up on a 12 day solo journey in California. The intention of this trip was relaxation and exploration. Little did I know I would add inspiration to that equation. In a strange sequence of events I ended up meeting the founder of the I Talk to . . . → Read More: Inspiration Through Talking to Strangers

Inspiration Requires Action

I have been inspired lately by a few awesome quotes so I wanted to share.

As I have previously written my birthday was a weird catalyst for change. It’s funny I woke up the day after my birthday determined to live a different life than I had. I have been so motivated but differently this . . . → Read More: Inspiration Requires Action

Sweetwater Farm Ladies Luncheon

Sweetwater Luncheon - ParalyzedbyPerfection

So most of you know I am an extreme foodie. I often tell others my life revolves around food. So since I have been back home and familiar with the culinary scene here in town, I have been aware of Sweetwater Farm, which is as a nonprofit community-supported urban organic farm and environmental education center . . . → Read More: Sweetwater Farm Ladies Luncheon

Coupons Saved My Life!

clipping coupons

Ok so maybe I am being a little dramatic but seriously this year was the beginning of a many experiments for me. One of which included a dedication to couponing. I am no novice to this idea cause I grew up with my mother clipping coupons but I began learning about the world of extreme . . . → Read More: Coupons Saved My Life!

Categories